Work/Life Balance

A colleague at another library hinted that slaving away for years just to achieve tenure was not worth it to her. She said that at her age it wasn’t worth it at all. Her eyes were open to a better opportunity. A job that didn’t require too much stress and wasn’t at the expense of spending ones time with family. She was eyeing a public library job! I was astonished! What about the perks of being an academic librarian with faculty status? The research opportunities, the teaching, the sabbatical and the expense account? To her it wasn’t worth it. Albeit, she does work in a different environment from myself, but the internal and external pressures of work, the tenure process, campus and library politics and family demands has contributed to the dismal conclusion that it isn’t worth it for her.

I had to pause and reflect a bit about my own personal battle trying to balance work and life. I should be in the depths of despair right now, but I’m too busy to have a meltdown. It seems the demands at work has increased tenfold since last September. The added pressure of proving myself to my peers doesn’t lend well to balancing work and home life. After the little one goes to bed I’m checking my email and trying to catch up on work that was not completed today. My to do list must be cleared before tomorrow or else I won’t be in control of the next day. I feel like Sisyphus. I cross off things off my to do list at 12 am at night/or in the morning, only to have another to do list to complete the following morning.  I try not to think that I’ve only spent 3 hrs with the little one today and only about 1 hr with my husband. I try not to feel too guilty; assuring myself that this is for my little ones future etc. The reality is that I enjoy the stress, the chaos, the busyness.. I enjoy what I do. I love my job. And that might be my downfall. The only comfort that I can take right now is the fact that “this too shall pass”. Once November rolls around, I will be planning my vacation in December! I’d like to think that once tenure is achieved, I can slow down and perhaps achieve the elusive work/family balance. Until then, I’ve got to keep my chin up and keep rolling that rock up that hill.

The T & P File: File Advisor #2

So I met with file advisor #2 and, putting my bruised ego aside, the result of this meeting was very insightful and productive. File advisor #2 was a great choice because of her intimate knowledge of the workings of the T & P committee (she chaired the committee not too long ago!). It is interesting that file advisor #2 picked up on things that file advisor #1 did not. File advisor #1 took a top down approach to the file. That is, looking at my my personal statement to guide the development of the file. On the other hand, file advisor #2 had a bottom up approach. She focused on looking at the individual documents and evidence to help form/shape my descriptions and statements (particularly my teaching statement). This is just an example as to why it is important to have different individuals consult your draft file.

I got some very valuable feedback from file advisor #2. Some include:

• CV: moving some things from my CV to the actual file (as evidence); be consistent with my tenses
• References: consider using a tenured librarian as a reference as opposed to another tenure-tracked librarian (I was a bit surprised by this as I didn’t see why it would make a difference, but I will incorporate this change, because file advisor #2 is very knowledgeable and I trust her candor)
• Information Literacy section: to include a separate page for each sample class I chose and in bullet form (to make it easier for the T& P evaluators) address the specific techniques or methods I used for that class
• for documents created with others or documents which are modified, I should include detail description of what I did
• for each section of the file, include the most recent examples first

The end looks like it is sight. I will be tackling all these issues and pray to complete the finalized draft of my file by the end of the week. I need a vacation!

The T & P File: References

Although I’ve got 3 months to go before I need to submit my tenure and promotion (T & P) file, I am nontheless panicking. I have been so preoccupied lately with pursuing my research projects and serving on committees that I’ve neglected time to sit down and examine which materials to include in the physical file as well as contacts/references to ponder.

A seasoned librarian gave me a wonderful tip about my CV that I hadn’t considered before. She mentionned that the committee will be looking at my CV to identify potential referees (e.g. colleagues on committees etc.) to contact who can vouch for my work in the 3 areas under review (professional performance, professional development and service). This is in addition to the 3 or 4 contacts that I will include in my file. This seasoned librarian said that I should strategically drop names on my CV. The more frequent, the better. If I mention a particular name several times throughout the CV this will improve the chances of the committee selecting that person! Interesting thought.

I am a bit concerned about the 1 year gap on my CV and how this might impact the creation of my file. I am particularly worried about references. I have my own references roughly mapped out, but the committee might find a contact that doesn’t remember me! I’m thinking mostly faculty members. I am contemplating adding information in my file about an information literacy class in which I did extensive preparation for. I am particularly proud of this class because of all the hard work I put into it. The problem is I did the class a year before I went on maternity leave and was planning to work with the instructor during the summer to teach another class the following fall. Unfortunately, I did not have a chance to reconnect with the instructor before I went on maternity leave (and after I returned). I am wondering whether I should reconnect with this instructor and possibly, collaborate with her to teach another couple of information literacy sessions for her students. Am I doing this for purely selfish reasons (i.e. reconnect with her this summer so that I can use her as a contact)? If I had the time, I would certainly pursue another collaboration with this instructor and teach these particular students. The problem is that I am on 3 committees (possibly 4 in the near future), working on 2 research projects, coordinating information literacy courses and supervising librarians. Plus there are a few “little” projects I would love to pursue in the fall! I need to think on this a bit more.

To address the gap in my CV, I started writing a personal statement outlining my history at my institution (i.e. contract status and maternity leave). I was unsure about how personal I should make it. Most of the people on the committee will be aware of the maternity leave, but once the file is reviewed by the t & p committee (consisting mostly of my librarian colleagues) the file will move up in the academic chain and will be read by people outside of the library. I tried to be as succinct and factual as possible. One can not help but wonder whether the maternity leave will impact how this file is received. I don’t know. It is still a draft.

A Transacting I Plop or A Satanic Glint Prop or just plain Grant applications

I am knee deep in grant applications for both projects that I’m crazy enough to pursue this summer. One is an internal library grant, but the other is a grant that is largely pursued by non-faculty members (i.e. professors). You can tell the grant is designed for the teaching/research professors. The application process is more stringent than for the library research grant. I need to fill out protocol forms, design informed consent forms for ethics approval and have an external referee who is knowledgable in the field on top of the research proposal. I also need an endorsement from my department’s Chair (which doesn’t exist in the library). I’ve got 4 days to complete one of the research proposals and I am sweating bullets. However, I’m finding the “Writing the Research Proposal” chapter of Ronald R. Powell’s Basic Research Methods for Librarians particularly useful.

The Countdown Begins!

The official countdown has begun. I will be submitting my file for the first stage of the tenure and promotion process the end of this summer! At the moment I’m not stressing about the process since I’ve been extremely busy lately with projects and 2 (not one!) research projects that I would like to pursue this summer. Am I nuts! I don’t plan to take any vacation days this summer. Colleagues are wondering where all this energy comes from. The simple answer is that it comes from motherhood! That year I was off on maternity leave left me, how can I say this in a politically correct way?, starving for intellectual stimulation. No one tells you that you might be bored out of your wits while staying home with a newborn. I guess women are worried that if they express their mixed emotions about being a mother that somehow reflects poorly on their own role as mothers. I acknowledged that I couldn’t wait to get back to work and have conversations with people who could actually converse with me. I got over the guilt and was pleasantly surprised at how much energy I had once I returned to work. So far that energy is still alive and propelling me toward accomplishing my goals. I hope it lasts the summer, because I have A LOT to do!

How I survived the first term as a mom…

Students are writing their exams and the library is quiet. No classes to teach, but plenty of projects and collection work to do. As the semester winds down, I finally have time to reflect on my first term both as a new mother and a tenure-track librarian. Needless to say, it has been very difficult and trying. Here’s what I learned.

 1. It is vital to have back-up child care arrangements

The daycare that my Little One (LO) attends only caters to the typical 9-5 pm working mom. They close at 6 pm and charge $15 for every minute thereafter, but that’s problematic for a librarian who is expected to work the occasional evening at the reference desk or teach an evening library class. I’ve experienced the daycare dilemma: should I keep the LO in non-profit daycare with qualified ECE workers (and on campus) and arrange for evening care with someone else; opt for a private home care agency that can accommodate my schedule (but a distance away from my workplace) or have my LO stay with a babysitter that can be flexible with my schedule. The last option makes me cringe with the thought of the babysitter watching soaps all day while my LO eats glue. As of now, we’ve decided to stay with the daycare centre and find someone who will be a back up (evening care) baby sitter. Next term there won’t be any surprises.

 2. Not everyone in your workplace appreciates your choice to be a mother

Even though everyone in the library chipped in to buy you a gift for your baby when you were 8 months pregnant, it doesn’t mean that they are thrilled to fill in for you when you have to take another “sick day” because the LO is projectile vomiting. Your reality is not their reality (at least those who have never had kids or are “childless by choice”). Although I can’t quite see how my LO is equivalent to my colleague’s dog or cat, I try to remember life before the LO and try to understand my childless colleagues’ point of view. That is why I try to avoid any preferential treatment because of my situation. It is great to have a supervisor who is a parent and understands the situation. Just knowing that I can leave early or come in later makes my worklife less frustrating. In the end you can’t help but feel that not everyone is supportive of your “choice” and though in theory you can’t be discriminated against because of your parental status you still need to be sensitive to your colleagues.

3. You can’t do everything. You’ll have to give some things up!

I have several colleagues at work that don’t have cable or satellite! I couldn’t imagine how one could get along without television. Well now I know! After I tuck my LO off to bed at night, it is off to the computer to catch up on some work. Once upon a time I would stay at work late to finish off work, but then came the LO and I have to leave work at 5 pm; 5:30 pm the latest. How to compensate for this? Cut out televison and cut out exercising (how difficult this was to do!!). I try to get a couple of hours of work done before I retire for the night. You would be greatly surprised how much time I wasted on television during my pre-LO days. I could have written a book if I had abandoned this wasteful past-time! What a shame! (Mind you, I still have a couple of shows I can’t live without). I’m more productive than ever without television! 

4. Connecting with other moms is essential!

I know of a few other tenure-track librarians who are mothers. It is comforting to know that I’m not the only one experiencing the challenges associated with being a mother on the tenure track. The support I’ve received from other mothers has been priceless.

I’m not quite sure how I managed to survive the first year back to work, but I think that I’m more confident about next year. I’m taking some time to spend with my LO (since I barely get to see the wee one!). Now I have to plan for 2008…

The end, but also the beginning!

Finally the end is here. That is, the end of negotiations! I was negotiating for a couple of weeks and for what? To get a nice “no”.  At least I tried. Anyhow one day before the deadline I met with Mr. Chief Librarian who told me that he conferred with his people and they said no way. He could not deviate from the template letter of offer that they provided. By this time I wanted to sign the letter anyhow so I nodded my head and signed away! Am I glad that was over!!! Now I can worry my head off about achieving tenure while still being a good mother. While excited about being offered this continuing appointment I’m still weary about working with my colleagues. Why do you think that is? Well I’m not the best at math, but here it is:

3 contract librarians + 1 continuing appointment positon=?

You fill in the blank! Out of the 3 of us I was the lucky one! I feel like I’ll be swimming with the sharks when the announcement is made about the filled position. The department and even the whole library is divided with each candidate having their own corner cheering them on. Well what happens when your corner doesn’t win? No one wants to lose, but we all need to lose gracefully. Let’s see what happens. I hate politics in the workplace, but it looks like I’ll have to tread lightly and be extra sensitive… at least while I’m working with the other contract librarians.

Hello world!

Welcome to Tenure + Librarian + Mom. A Interminable Rumor is actually an anagram of tenure librarian mom. I just love anagrams! I went to the Internet Anagram Server (http://wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html) and found some interesting anagrams for tenure librarian mom. I loved A Interminable Rumor, but other favorites included:

• A Biennial Terror Mum  (as in, the terrible twos a mom going through the tenure process!)
• A Liberator Inner Mum
• Brain Email More Runt
• Brain Memorial Tuner
• Brain Email Net Rumor
• Tenure Brain Immoral
• A Brainer Let Mom Run
• Tenure Mania Brr Limo    (as in the whole crazy tenure process leaves me cold, get me my limo stat!!)

This blog will chronicle my experiences, ups (hopefully lots) and downs (hopefully few), during the tenure/continuing appointment process while juggling the demands of motherhood.