Students are writing their exams and the library is quiet. No classes to teach, but plenty of projects and collection work to do. As the semester winds down, I finally have time to reflect on my first term both as a new mother and a tenure-track librarian. Needless to say, it has been very difficult and trying. Here’s what I learned.
1. It is vital to have back-up child care arrangements
The daycare that my Little One (LO) attends only caters to the typical 9-5 pm working mom. They close at 6 pm and charge $15 for every minute thereafter, but that’s problematic for a librarian who is expected to work the occasional evening at the reference desk or teach an evening library class. I’ve experienced the daycare dilemma: should I keep the LO in non-profit daycare with qualified ECE workers (and on campus) and arrange for evening care with someone else; opt for a private home care agency that can accommodate my schedule (but a distance away from my workplace) or have my LO stay with a babysitter that can be flexible with my schedule. The last option makes me cringe with the thought of the babysitter watching soaps all day while my LO eats glue. As of now, we’ve decided to stay with the daycare centre and find someone who will be a back up (evening care) baby sitter. Next term there won’t be any surprises.
2. Not everyone in your workplace appreciates your choice to be a mother
Even though everyone in the library chipped in to buy you a gift for your baby when you were 8 months pregnant, it doesn’t mean that they are thrilled to fill in for you when you have to take another “sick day” because the LO is projectile vomiting. Your reality is not their reality (at least those who have never had kids or are “childless by choice”). Although I can’t quite see how my LO is equivalent to my colleague’s dog or cat, I try to remember life before the LO and try to understand my childless colleagues’ point of view. That is why I try to avoid any preferential treatment because of my situation. It is great to have a supervisor who is a parent and understands the situation. Just knowing that I can leave early or come in later makes my worklife less frustrating. In the end you can’t help but feel that not everyone is supportive of your “choice” and though in theory you can’t be discriminated against because of your parental status you still need to be sensitive to your colleagues.
3. You can’t do everything. You’ll have to give some things up!
I have several colleagues at work that don’t have cable or satellite! I couldn’t imagine how one could get along without television. Well now I know! After I tuck my LO off to bed at night, it is off to the computer to catch up on some work. Once upon a time I would stay at work late to finish off work, but then came the LO and I have to leave work at 5 pm; 5:30 pm the latest. How to compensate for this? Cut out televison and cut out exercising (how difficult this was to do!!). I try to get a couple of hours of work done before I retire for the night. You would be greatly surprised how much time I wasted on television during my pre-LO days. I could have written a book if I had abandoned this wasteful past-time! What a shame! (Mind you, I still have a couple of shows I can’t live without). I’m more productive than ever without television!
4. Connecting with other moms is essential!
I know of a few other tenure-track librarians who are mothers. It is comforting to know that I’m not the only one experiencing the challenges associated with being a mother on the tenure track. The support I’ve received from other mothers has been priceless.
I’m not quite sure how I managed to survive the first year back to work, but I think that I’m more confident about next year. I’m taking some time to spend with my LO (since I barely get to see the wee one!). Now I have to plan for 2008…
