Work/Life Balance

A colleague at another library hinted that slaving away for years just to achieve tenure was not worth it to her. She said that at her age it wasn’t worth it at all. Her eyes were open to a better opportunity. A job that didn’t require too much stress and wasn’t at the expense of spending ones time with family. She was eyeing a public library job! I was astonished! What about the perks of being an academic librarian with faculty status? The research opportunities, the teaching, the sabbatical and the expense account? To her it wasn’t worth it. Albeit, she does work in a different environment from myself, but the internal and external pressures of work, the tenure process, campus and library politics and family demands has contributed to the dismal conclusion that it isn’t worth it for her.

I had to pause and reflect a bit about my own personal battle trying to balance work and life. I should be in the depths of despair right now, but I’m too busy to have a meltdown. It seems the demands at work has increased tenfold since last September. The added pressure of proving myself to my peers doesn’t lend well to balancing work and home life. After the little one goes to bed I’m checking my email and trying to catch up on work that was not completed today. My to do list must be cleared before tomorrow or else I won’t be in control of the next day. I feel like Sisyphus. I cross off things off my to do list at 12 am at night/or in the morning, only to have another to do list to complete the following morning.  I try not to think that I’ve only spent 3 hrs with the little one today and only about 1 hr with my husband. I try not to feel too guilty; assuring myself that this is for my little ones future etc. The reality is that I enjoy the stress, the chaos, the busyness.. I enjoy what I do. I love my job. And that might be my downfall. The only comfort that I can take right now is the fact that “this too shall pass”. Once November rolls around, I will be planning my vacation in December! I’d like to think that once tenure is achieved, I can slow down and perhaps achieve the elusive work/family balance. Until then, I’ve got to keep my chin up and keep rolling that rock up that hill.

The T & P File: References

Although I’ve got 3 months to go before I need to submit my tenure and promotion (T & P) file, I am nontheless panicking. I have been so preoccupied lately with pursuing my research projects and serving on committees that I’ve neglected time to sit down and examine which materials to include in the physical file as well as contacts/references to ponder.

A seasoned librarian gave me a wonderful tip about my CV that I hadn’t considered before. She mentionned that the committee will be looking at my CV to identify potential referees (e.g. colleagues on committees etc.) to contact who can vouch for my work in the 3 areas under review (professional performance, professional development and service). This is in addition to the 3 or 4 contacts that I will include in my file. This seasoned librarian said that I should strategically drop names on my CV. The more frequent, the better. If I mention a particular name several times throughout the CV this will improve the chances of the committee selecting that person! Interesting thought.

I am a bit concerned about the 1 year gap on my CV and how this might impact the creation of my file. I am particularly worried about references. I have my own references roughly mapped out, but the committee might find a contact that doesn’t remember me! I’m thinking mostly faculty members. I am contemplating adding information in my file about an information literacy class in which I did extensive preparation for. I am particularly proud of this class because of all the hard work I put into it. The problem is I did the class a year before I went on maternity leave and was planning to work with the instructor during the summer to teach another class the following fall. Unfortunately, I did not have a chance to reconnect with the instructor before I went on maternity leave (and after I returned). I am wondering whether I should reconnect with this instructor and possibly, collaborate with her to teach another couple of information literacy sessions for her students. Am I doing this for purely selfish reasons (i.e. reconnect with her this summer so that I can use her as a contact)? If I had the time, I would certainly pursue another collaboration with this instructor and teach these particular students. The problem is that I am on 3 committees (possibly 4 in the near future), working on 2 research projects, coordinating information literacy courses and supervising librarians. Plus there are a few “little” projects I would love to pursue in the fall! I need to think on this a bit more.

To address the gap in my CV, I started writing a personal statement outlining my history at my institution (i.e. contract status and maternity leave). I was unsure about how personal I should make it. Most of the people on the committee will be aware of the maternity leave, but once the file is reviewed by the t & p committee (consisting mostly of my librarian colleagues) the file will move up in the academic chain and will be read by people outside of the library. I tried to be as succinct and factual as possible. One can not help but wonder whether the maternity leave will impact how this file is received. I don’t know. It is still a draft.

The Countdown Begins!

The official countdown has begun. I will be submitting my file for the first stage of the tenure and promotion process the end of this summer! At the moment I’m not stressing about the process since I’ve been extremely busy lately with projects and 2 (not one!) research projects that I would like to pursue this summer. Am I nuts! I don’t plan to take any vacation days this summer. Colleagues are wondering where all this energy comes from. The simple answer is that it comes from motherhood! That year I was off on maternity leave left me, how can I say this in a politically correct way?, starving for intellectual stimulation. No one tells you that you might be bored out of your wits while staying home with a newborn. I guess women are worried that if they express their mixed emotions about being a mother that somehow reflects poorly on their own role as mothers. I acknowledged that I couldn’t wait to get back to work and have conversations with people who could actually converse with me. I got over the guilt and was pleasantly surprised at how much energy I had once I returned to work. So far that energy is still alive and propelling me toward accomplishing my goals. I hope it lasts the summer, because I have A LOT to do!

The Countdown Begins!

The official countdown has begun. I will be submitting my file for the first stage of the tenure and promotion process the end of this summer! At the moment I’m not stressing about the process since I’ve been extremely busy lately with projects and 2 (not one!) research projects that I would like to pursue this summer. Am I nuts! I don’t plan to take any vacation days this summer. Colleagues are wondering where all this energy comes from. The simple answer is that it comes from motherhood! That year I was off on maternity leave left me, how can I say this in a politically correct way?,  starving for intellectual stimulation. No one tells you that you might be bored out of your wits while staying home with a newborn. I guess women are worried that if they express their mixed emotions about being a mother that somehow reflects poorly on their own role as mothers. I acknowledged that I couldn’t wait to get back to work and have conversations with people who could actually converse with me. I got over the guilt and was pleasantly surprised at how much energy I had once I returned to work. So far that energy is still alive and propelling me toward accomplishing my goals. I hope it lasts the summer, because I have A LOT to do!

The Successful Academic Librarian

I’m currently reading “The Successful Academic Librarian: Winning Strategies from Library Leaders” edited by Gwen Meyer Gregory. As an unsure junior librarian, I’m constantly devouring books or articles relating to professional development such as this book. This book offers tips on how to accomplish job responsibilities, collaborate with faculty members, how to pursue research/scholarly activities, how to survive the tenure and promotion process etc. It also offers “tales from the trenches” by seasoned academic librarians. There are some really great tips in here and I plan to use some of the information related to building a dossier/curriculum vitae and documenting your work for the tenure and promotion process. One particular chapter that I found refreshing is “Witches Brew or Gorumet Gumbo–Tenure in the Library” by Molly E. Molloy. It is a real honest account of the tenure and promotion process (affectionately referred to as “puke and tremble”). The author is not afraid of being brutally honest and candid about her experience both as a tenure-track librarian working her way up and as a tenured librarian serving judgement on the tenure-track librarians. One section that I thought was both interesting and frightening was:

“I sat in meetings, discussing the merits and demerits of the people with whom I spent so many hours of my life. I closed my eyes at the meeting table and suddenly I could see little demons swirling around the room and landing on our heads with spidery sharp talons. They peered at us with hot yellow eyes, leaned their slimy green tongues close to our ears and spewed out raspy chatter that then magically emerged from our own mouths, sounding like our own voices, saying things like: Should these newsletter articles or book reviews be counted as publications?…What made us think that we had the right to judge people in these terms? Hadn’t we gotten beyond fraternity hazing?…Could we not stipulate that we would not judge each other so harshly, just because we can?”

My worst fears about the whole “tremble and puke” process has been confirmed, yet I was very surprised about her section on “Enforced Mediocrity”.

“The gremlins lower their voices when venturing into this territory. Professional jealousy…? Can someone really be too good to fit in at our library? Yes, they can. This is probably the most distasteful thing that promotion and tenure committees ever do or ever encounter and they will most likely never admit it…However there are always colleagues who do more than their share in all of the categories…They are most likely always busy…Maybe people who excel in this way come across as distant and prickly to others…It is hard to imagine that such super-achievers would not earn tenure…We cannot ignore or get rid of the gremlins if we refuse to see them in the first place. The only way to keep from enforcing mediocrity is to acknowledge that it happens”.

Once you are on the tenure-track you automatically have the “I must achieve, I must prove myself” mantra playing in the back of your mind. The very idea that being an overachiever is something that might be viewed as a negative by a tenure and promotion committee never crossed my mind. I’m hoping that her experience might just be an isolated one. Am I sticking my head in the sand? Perhaps…

But they don’t understand…

I’m a pretty calm and rational person (with the exception of deciding to have a child at this point in my career, but that is another story on its own!) However, since my little one is almost two years old it seems more and more people in my life (in-laws, family, friends and even daycare workers) are urging me to have another baby. Their reasoning:

The little one will be spoiled by being an only child…
The poor little one will not have anyone to play with… (hello! it is called daycare and play dates!!)
Two is easier to handle than one because they will keep each other company (hello??! twice as many chances to get sick!)

I’ve tried explaining that I need to achieve tenure before I would even consider the idea, but to no avail. What is wrong with that? I can certainly understand why female academic librarians as well as female faculty members decide to wait until achieving tenure before having children. It is extremely difficult! Case in point: I’ve decided that I would like to be more involved in my local library association, but I have to coordinate the timing with daycare and my husband’s schedule. I’ve decided to revisit this idea next year. It is just too complicated. I just don’t have the time freedom, which is vital to pursue scholarly activities and professional development, outside of the 9-5 pm realm. I hesitate to make such a commitment if there is a chance that I can not deliver. Will this affect my bid for tenure? Most likely, but I will have to adjust and find other ways to contribute to the profession….

How I survived the first term as a mom…

Students are writing their exams and the library is quiet. No classes to teach, but plenty of projects and collection work to do. As the semester winds down, I finally have time to reflect on my first term both as a new mother and a tenure-track librarian. Needless to say, it has been very difficult and trying. Here’s what I learned.

 1. It is vital to have back-up child care arrangements

The daycare that my Little One (LO) attends only caters to the typical 9-5 pm working mom. They close at 6 pm and charge $15 for every minute thereafter, but that’s problematic for a librarian who is expected to work the occasional evening at the reference desk or teach an evening library class. I’ve experienced the daycare dilemma: should I keep the LO in non-profit daycare with qualified ECE workers (and on campus) and arrange for evening care with someone else; opt for a private home care agency that can accommodate my schedule (but a distance away from my workplace) or have my LO stay with a babysitter that can be flexible with my schedule. The last option makes me cringe with the thought of the babysitter watching soaps all day while my LO eats glue. As of now, we’ve decided to stay with the daycare centre and find someone who will be a back up (evening care) baby sitter. Next term there won’t be any surprises.

 2. Not everyone in your workplace appreciates your choice to be a mother

Even though everyone in the library chipped in to buy you a gift for your baby when you were 8 months pregnant, it doesn’t mean that they are thrilled to fill in for you when you have to take another “sick day” because the LO is projectile vomiting. Your reality is not their reality (at least those who have never had kids or are “childless by choice”). Although I can’t quite see how my LO is equivalent to my colleague’s dog or cat, I try to remember life before the LO and try to understand my childless colleagues’ point of view. That is why I try to avoid any preferential treatment because of my situation. It is great to have a supervisor who is a parent and understands the situation. Just knowing that I can leave early or come in later makes my worklife less frustrating. In the end you can’t help but feel that not everyone is supportive of your “choice” and though in theory you can’t be discriminated against because of your parental status you still need to be sensitive to your colleagues.

3. You can’t do everything. You’ll have to give some things up!

I have several colleagues at work that don’t have cable or satellite! I couldn’t imagine how one could get along without television. Well now I know! After I tuck my LO off to bed at night, it is off to the computer to catch up on some work. Once upon a time I would stay at work late to finish off work, but then came the LO and I have to leave work at 5 pm; 5:30 pm the latest. How to compensate for this? Cut out televison and cut out exercising (how difficult this was to do!!). I try to get a couple of hours of work done before I retire for the night. You would be greatly surprised how much time I wasted on television during my pre-LO days. I could have written a book if I had abandoned this wasteful past-time! What a shame! (Mind you, I still have a couple of shows I can’t live without). I’m more productive than ever without television! 

4. Connecting with other moms is essential!

I know of a few other tenure-track librarians who are mothers. It is comforting to know that I’m not the only one experiencing the challenges associated with being a mother on the tenure track. The support I’ve received from other mothers has been priceless.

I’m not quite sure how I managed to survive the first year back to work, but I think that I’m more confident about next year. I’m taking some time to spend with my LO (since I barely get to see the wee one!). Now I have to plan for 2008…

Multi-tasking

Today hubby took the little one (LO) out while I had a few hours to myself. What did I do with my free time? In 1.5 hrs I did the little one’s laundry, vaccuumed my car, disinfected LO’s toys, cooked dinner (shake n bake), washed my car, watered the lawn, prepared breakfast, brushed my teeth and had breakfast/lunch. All in that order!

Before the LO I was a great multi-tasker. I worked 2 jobs while attending library school effortlessly and it was a thrill to be that busy. However I multi-task now out of necessity not for the adrenaline rush! It is difficult juggling work and my responsibilities as a mother. I never thought it would be this difficult! I don’t know how a lot of women do this on their own. However, I am learning to plan ahead, try new things and see how it goes. For example, I now cook once a week (Sunday) and this is enough for my weekly lunch as well as dinner for me and LO. But just when I’m comfortable with a new routine something changes and I need to adapt again. I can sincerely list multi-tasking, adaptable and open to change as soft skills on my resume!