A colleague at another library hinted that slaving away for years just to achieve tenure was not worth it to her. She said that at her age it wasn’t worth it at all. Her eyes were open to a better opportunity. A job that didn’t require too much stress and wasn’t at the expense of spending ones time with family. She was eyeing a public library job! I was astonished! What about the perks of being an academic librarian with faculty status? The research opportunities, the teaching, the sabbatical and the expense account? To her it wasn’t worth it. Albeit, she does work in a different environment from myself, but the internal and external pressures of work, the tenure process, campus and library politics and family demands has contributed to the dismal conclusion that it isn’t worth it for her.
I had to pause and reflect a bit about my own personal battle trying to balance work and life. I should be in the depths of despair right now, but I’m too busy to have a meltdown. It seems the demands at work has increased tenfold since last September. The added pressure of proving myself to my peers doesn’t lend well to balancing work and home life. After the little one goes to bed I’m checking my email and trying to catch up on work that was not completed today. My to do list must be cleared before tomorrow or else I won’t be in control of the next day. I feel like Sisyphus. I cross off things off my to do list at 12 am at night/or in the morning, only to have another to do list to complete the following morning. I try not to think that I’ve only spent 3 hrs with the little one today and only about 1 hr with my husband. I try not to feel too guilty; assuring myself that this is for my little ones future etc. The reality is that I enjoy the stress, the chaos, the busyness.. I enjoy what I do. I love my job. And that might be my downfall. The only comfort that I can take right now is the fact that “this too shall pass”. Once November rolls around, I will be planning my vacation in December! I’d like to think that once tenure is achieved, I can slow down and perhaps achieve the elusive work/family balance. Until then, I’ve got to keep my chin up and keep rolling that rock up that hill.
